Nick the Nick Nick the Nick Nick Nick Nickelodeon

Foddfession: I ate so many turkey meatballs today that, after an hour of awkward digestion, I stumbled around my office groaning and puffing. Oh, I ate them with a cool blue gatorade. I could not think or act. I leaned forward like a dog and stared out the window. The meatballs had turned into meaty shrapnel hunks. I realized that what used to be in my mouth would soon be in my mouth all over again. In retrospect, this sensation has reminded me of a bucket of Nickelodeon slime falling through my body in a reverse direction of splashy pain. The meatballs now neon blue-green, ready to spew out of me and then drop back down on my head with the mystical properties of some slime-gak hybrid child. So I stood up really quick and gave one final gasket puff like a steamtrain determined to slug into the station. I unwittingly spun around and sunk back down to the chair. What a relief! The hot turkey stinking vapor continued to emit from my fair stinkhole. I breathed through my nose and let the feeling pass me. At that point I was able to work again. Thank goodness I didn't Nickelodeon all over the Amazon!

Also, my tongue is swelling, waiting to explode my mouth and throat. But we'll save that for another day!